In-n-out - The Ultimate Nightmare for Potatoes

A Potato Mystery

My dear, sweet (but not literally) potatoes, welcome.  And may you be tilled daily.

As you are likely aware, our race stretches back thousands upon thousands of crop-cycles.  And while I am a Cultivator of the Culture, there are some aspects of ancient spudlife that even I do not fully fathom.  Recently, I stumbled across a beautiful harvest of old proverbs.  Some are well-known to us, but some are impossibly cryptic.  This one in particular caught my eyes:

Three pebbles in night, yet four in the morning.  Beware what comes next, oh little spudling.

Any ideas, my sprouts?  (Farmers, you can help too.)

-Cathartic Potato

The Famous Cow & Potato Joke

  

The Haynes Tatoes

The Haynes Tatoes

 

Cosmic Potato

Behold the Cosmic Potato
- Mystic.

Ode: Potato, Patata, Batata

Potato, patata, batata-
would tubers by any other names be
as sweet, salty or satisfying?

For the Russet, dependable and versatile
for the Jewel yam, a sweet potato with a name like no other
for the Japanese sweet potato, complexly colored and of deep flavor
for the Hannah sweet potato, saccharine and fair

for the Rose Finn Apple potato, earthy and rich in her depth
for the Russian Banana potato, an intriguing and odd fellow
for the Red Thumb potato, adored by chefs
for the French Fingerling potato, perfectly pink

for the LaRette potato, born in the Swiss Alps
for the Austrian Crescent potato, a descendent of greatness
for the Red Gold potato, hued as delicately as rose gold
for the Purple Majesty potato, royal and distinct

for the Norland Red potato, a friend to butter and herbs
for the Yukon Gold potato, as tough as the miners
for the Kennebec potato, who holds his own and, finally,
for the All Blue potato, food of the Smurfs.

- Lyrical

The Book of Taters I

My dear, dear Potatoes.  And Farmers too.  I am now working on a retelling of an old potato folk tale, but to my deep regret it is not yet complete.  Until that time, please appreciate one of our earliest known pieces of sacred Potato art.

Loves and fertilizers,

-Cathartic Potato